Holding Both: The Complex Process of Holding Our Emotions
"Friendly reminder, it is okay to have conflicting emotions. You can feel discouraged and hopeful; you can miss something and love where you are at. You can hold space for "and". --Erica Layne
In our quest for understanding, we often find ourselves seeking simplicity and control, but there is immense strength and growth in learning to "hold both" sides of our emotional spectrum. By doing so, we can cultivate a more compassionate and authentic relationship with ourselves and the world around us.
The Urge to Simplify: As human beings, we have an innate desire to make sense of the world and our experiences. We seek clarity and simplicity because it gives us a sense of control and stability. In our pursuit of this control, we often reduce our emotional experiences to a singular emotion. We label them as "happy" or "sad," "good" or "bad," overlooking the intricate web of emotions that exist within us.
The Weight of Contradictory Emotions: Life is rarely black and white. Emotions can be beautifully complex, intertwining joy and sorrow, love and anger, hope and despair. Acknowledging and accepting these contradictions can be challenging. We might fear that embracing contradictory emotions makes us unstable or weak. However, it is precisely in holding both sides that we expand our emotional capacity and gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and others.
The Power of "Holding Both": To hold both means to create space within ourselves for the coexistence of conflicting emotions. It involves acknowledging that emotions can be fluid, ever-changing, and not mutually exclusive. By allowing ourselves to feel a wide range of emotions, even if they appear contradictory, we develop emotional resilience and gain insight into our authentic selves.
Compassionate Self-Exploration: Holding both requires us to approach our emotions with compassion and curiosity. Instead of judging ourselves for experiencing conflicting feelings, we can embrace the complexity and honor the validity of each emotion. By doing so, we create an environment of self-acceptance and self-compassion, fostering personal growth and emotional well-being.
Expanding Our Emotional Vocabulary: Society often encourages us to simplify our emotions, which limits our emotional vocabulary. We need to challenge this notion and explore the intricacies of our emotional landscape. By expanding our emotional vocabulary, we can better articulate and understand our experiences, thus enriching our self-awareness and our ability to connect with others.
Building Empathy and Connection: As we develop the ability to hold both sides of our emotions, we become more empathetic toward others' emotional journeys. Compassion and understanding flourish when we recognize that others may also be navigating complex emotions. By embracing and honoring the multifaceted nature of our emotions, we create opportunities for genuine connection and foster a more compassionate society.
As you continue your mental health journey, remember that emotions are vast and multifaceted. By challenging the need to simplify and control them, we can develop the ability to hold both sides. Embrace the complexities of your emotional landscape with compassion and curiosity. Through this practice, you will uncover new depths within yourself, build resilience, and foster meaningful connections with others. Together, let us nurture the power of holding both, and create space for emotional authenticity and growth.